Well, I haven't posted in while.  I don't think anyone reads this anyway.  It is just for me.  Somehow I feel anonymous on the world wide web, so that is why I do this.  This time of year seems to be really hard for me (March-May).  March 2004 was the first time that Taylor complained that her leg hurt.  I will never forget the first time those words came out of her mouth.  It seemed so insignificant then.  But now, it is like it was the beginning of the end.  For two months after that there were doctor's visits after doctor's visits trying to figure out what was wrong with my precious child.  I never imagined she would be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  On May 27th, 2004, we were told that she had a huge tumor in her pelvis.  There was a possibility it was benign, but it was not likely.  That was the day that my life was forever changed.  I would never be the same again.  You go through all these emotions wondering what in the world you could have done differently.  You wonder why you didn;t know?  or why you didn't take her to a better doctor that could have found it before it spread.  You are angry.  You wonder why God has done this.  It doesn't make sense at all.  Why would a sweet, innocent child get cancer?  What in the world is going on.  Anyway, back to my story.  When she was first diagnosed, there was a possibility that it had not spread.  Oh how I prayed for that.  I begged and prayed and bargained, but it was not to be.  We were eventually told that she had some very small nodules in her lungs.  It was Stage 4.  I had no idea what her survival odds were because I told them I did not want to know.  I told them my daughter was special, and she was going to fight this and win!  This was all going on during the end of May into the beginning of June.  So I have noticed that every year so far since she was diagnosed, I am so completely sad and lost during this time.  So much went on during this time.  There were so many emotions and so many tears.  My heart broke on May 27th and has been broken ever since.